Help, my husband is becoming a Redneck

I thought it was a safe bet to marry a Russian born man who enjoys travel, photography, red wine and jazz, and detests team sports.

Better to enjoy a sailboat on the weekends than watch men in tights throw a pigskin around and smack each other on the behind after they score a touchdown.

Better to watch foreign films, no matter how many might be a tad bit depressing, based around war, a tragedy or a holocaust or two, and dance Tango on Friday nights than go to a bar or stay at home watching bad reality TV together.

Perhaps all that would have been fine if we had not moved to a redneck town.

My husband is changing into a new person - not exactly like Jack Nicholson in the Shining, but to me just as scary. . . he is becoming a redneck.

The catching of fish and gutting them I can handle, the nights camping on the boat and drinking by the fire pit at night I have learned to enjoy.  The outdoor sports, I have always been into.

But now he wants to buy a PICK UP TRUCK and a GUN.

I have to tell you, I did not see this coming.  It blindsided me completely.

The mountain has gotten into the man, and I ain't sure if it goes with my rep.

Please tell me that none of this is in my future so I can take a breath again.

  

 

 

Men and their toys

My husband was shaking when he walked in the door yesterday, saying that it was his most stressful day EVER.

Of course I had to get a dig in - "Oh, you mean more stressful than when your wife and son had to have an emergency c-section 3 weeks early, wasn't your most stressful day?"

He looked over, sensing the trap.

"Well, you were surrounded by specialists, so I knew you all were in good hands."

Mmm hmmm.

Really, your most stressful day EVER revolves around your boat? 

While I will admit, it was freaky to watch 2800 pounds balanced on the keel, I could not help but think. . . . Men ARE from Mars

I can honestly say, that I never dreamed when we moved to the mountains for a more peaceful life, that I would need to convince my husband to call someone with a sky crane to lift our boat from peril.

"I bet you did not expect a call like this when you woke up today, did you?"  I said to Paul.

He turned and with no inflection said, "I get these calls all the time."

If he had not have been busy yelling at Leo and his friend to move the straps, I would have asked; "How many calls are from women." 

I am still a but bummed that I did not get the chance, but guessing I know the answer.

So, now the next time Leo argues and denies it when I say, "That darn boat, its always something,' I have some photos with proof.

 Oh, and some video too.

Today's Fall view from the Lake

Meet me in the woods

Remember the famous wedding scene from 'The Graduate' with Dustin Hoffman banging from behind the glass? Isaac, without ever seeing it, improvs it perfectly screaming; MAMA!! MAMA, don't leave MAMA !!! each time I drive away.

Many times I feel a piece of my heart break off to keep him company while I am gone, but after a few minutes, we both calm down, and I find his emotional displays flattering and even refreshing.

I love that children are so unadulterated.

What a funny word that is, really. Un- adult-erated. It means pure, untainted and complete; so why are we all in such a hurry to teach our children to act like adults?

There are some wonderful things we can (re)learn from them about self-expression, but instead, we try to turn them into little adults as fast as we can.

Don’t get me wrong, I am no push over, but I do wonder sometimes about the fine line between channeling emotion and stripping our youth of their raw emotional instincts all together.

Is that really what we want to do? A little emotional outburst every now and then can clear the air and be good for everyone.

So in the spirit of connecting with your inner child, I am planning a Burning Man-esque / Woodstock commemorative folly in the Rocky Mountains this summer.

All who dare to expose themselves (emotionally rather than physically) contact me for more information about a weekend retreat where you can truly be yourself and not be judged for the fact that you like to wear day-glow and tiaras, or that you might like to be a part of a local mythbusters experiment.

Get ready toact out a scene as Jack Nicholson in 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest', host a secret anti-establishment radio show from a basement studio like Christian Slater in 'Pump up the Volume', sing karaoke from a flatbed truck that has been turned into a moving lounge, or have a staged public melt-down as your child (or friend who acts like a child) stands next to you somewhat horrified.

Beware that you will be asked to leave all second guessing, worries, self-consciousness, and small talk at the trailhead, and you must be happy and willing to engage in one of the above activities or one similar that you coin, as your ticket to attend.

Send questions and proposals asap.

Land Ho, Holy Hell

MMMM. . .

I woke up today realizing that everyone in my household has a hard head.

It should prove to me interesting for all of us since each of us thinks the others are much more stubborn than we are, but with each day, I learn that perhaps I am a little more stubborn than I am willing to admit.

How many captains can one family have?