Having a moment. . .

I feel the urge to pay homage to Peggy Lee today as I clean the house, field phone calls from family moaning about being "deprived of their grandson / nephew", organize closets, chase after Isaac, post a new blog here and on the newspapers website, start a 3rd load of laundry, pack for our upcoming trip, catch a few moments of Bill Maher, make chili, download videos to you tube, research grant writing, go through real estate files for my new office, and steal a moment to listen to Eckhart Tolle's Power of Now.

Click here to see how much Peggy rocks!

Don't open your emails when you are PMSing

I had a few extra minutes this morning, so I made the mistake of opening a few emails.

Most days I find comfort in the daily and weekly emails that enlighten me and set the backdrop for what is to come in my toddlers life.  I have learned to treasure the emails since I have little to no time to read about what he actually should be doing or saying that week on my own, and typically the emails are timely and informative, and I can pretend to be a good mama for a minute, feeling as though I am in tune and somewhat in control.

This morning I was thrilled to learn that my son is not  the only one who SCREAMS AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS for seemingly no reason, and that other mothers have to go to work with their wailing kid's CRIES following them out the door. 

I did not however read of anyone whose son will only wear his right shoe, so I can grin and know that I have a true original as well.

All would have been fine had I stopped there, but the devil in me started to read the discourse of mothers giving mothers advice on how to 'get their kid's in line' at 16-20 months.

Being a gypsy spirit, but knowing that I do not ever want to have to call THE NANNY to visit my home to teach me how to discipline my child, I am hard-pressed to find a middle ground which seems non-existent or impossible to pinpoint at times.

Leo says that I am too soft, others say that I am too hard.  Frankly today, I am unsure.

No one tells you that nothing makes you feel as neurotic, joyful, fearful, paranoid, and completely out of control as being a MOTHER. 

Add the monthly visit from Aunt Flo and it is just cruel.

As I read more about how to 'train your child' to behave this way and that way, I could feel my spirit cringe. 

Mind you I am not a push over, nor am I a proponent of no discipline, however, I do have a hard time knowlingly and deliberatly trying to break another person's spirit and bend it to my will.

Lord knows I have come in contact with many in my life who have tried to break mine and I have not always succeeded in fighting them off.  As those scars continue to heal, I think about trying to find the balance between having a well behaved child and letting him discover himself, even if that means that he is a brat sometimes.

Of course, it could just be that I woke up PMSing and would have over-reacted to anything anyway..

...but even so, I thank you for helping me to stand true, work through this, and decide that I will wait until Isaac is at least 4 to try to break him.  Just don't tell Leo.

Time Passes

Time Passes when you are unemployed.  How did I ever find the time to work.  :)

I have to say that I am enjoying my time at home with Leo and Isaac and the 1/2 day a week I spend with the intent of clearing my head, sitting still and writing.  I hoped that I would write a great novel because screenplays are so cliche, but I have to let it take me where it likes.  I suppose that is what it means to be a writer. 

It has been so long that I have had any time to myself, so I am eating it up even when fears of needing money tug at my sleeve. 

In one respect the world seems to be going down the toilet and I worry about the future that we are leaving our children, and in the other I am hopeful that since we all seem to be in this together, that something good MUST be coming - even if that is only to realize that we are all in this together. 

It seems there is no better time than now to ask yourself "What can I do to make the world a better place?" "Am I following my true calling"

If not now, then when?

Time vs Money

The age old dichotomy and struggle to find a balance between the two that always seems to find me. 

Being laid off is a mixed blessing.  Now I have the time to crack open my wish list and choose a bliss project, but then my mind races trying to come up with a plan to put myself back into a J-O-B that I will like for awhile, but then feel unfulfilled again - or at least mourn the loss of my inner artist while I sit at a computer and create for others instead of myself.

The games our mind plays on us, and yes, they are just games.  At some point you have to shut off the radio that plays in your head and take a leap of faith towards what you KNOW you MUST do.  Forget the obligations, the excuses, and the fears that disguise themselves as the other two. 

Be true to yourself, AND FOLLOW YOUR BLISS!!

If not just for you, for those you love and for those you hope will find their bliss and follow it without the inner dialogue we all allow to take us off course.